Parents of gifted children are remarkable advocates for their children. The number of websites, forums, books, research papers, councils and organizations devoted to gifted children is significant. Yet, the absence of discussion, resources and activity about the giftedness of their parents is astonishing. Because if you have a gifted child, it is likely that you are gifted yourself.
Before you dismiss the idea that you may be a gifted adult, please consider:
- exceptional cognitive ability runs in families
- if one family member is gifted, it is likely that all family members are
A gifted child’s parents might not be gifted but that is the exception. If one spends time in the gifted community, the link between gifted parents, children and their siblings is plain. Yet, for the most part, this is not addressed by experts offering advice to gifted parents and not discussed in forums on parenting gifted children. It’s as if most parents think their children are gifted because of some kind of magic or fluke. Or maybe each parent thinks the other parent is the reason their child is gifted. AnneMarie Roeper suggests that mothers are particularly prone to assuming their child is gifted because of their father. Denying one’s own giftedness is a common reaction of gifted adults: the imposter phenomenon.
There must be a reason for the remarkable absence of parents of gifted children exploring the possibility of their own giftedness. Particularly since there is such intensity and urgency underpinning the mission that our children will be able to learn. Parents’ descriptions of the their gifted children’s emotional struggles with their social environments are often so vivid and so heartfelt; it is as if the child is writing it him or herself. I believe many of us advocate for our children from a place that’s more than simple parental concern but because we’ve been there ourselves and hope our children will know something different.
As a parent of gifted child, does it matter that you know if you’re a gifted adult? I think it does. Here’s the analogy: on an airplane, what does the flight attendant tell you do if you’re travelling with your child and the oxygen masks drop down from the ceiling in an emergency? They tell you to first put the mask on yourself before helping your child to ensure you have the ability to help someone unable to help themselves. Understanding our own giftedness helps us in supporting our children and their giftedness. To be a role model as a gifted adult is the most powerful message we can send to our children, beyond any words we can offer them.
So if you are the parent of a gifted child, please consider if you are gifted yourself. Childhood giftedness becomes adult giftedness. Go back to those checklists you have that help you determine if your child is gifted – do they describe you as a child? Or use this list compiled by Gifted Services that outlines common characteristics of gifted adults. Or contact Mensa and write a standardized intelligence test. Or answer the questions below from Mary-Elaine Jacobsen’s The Gifted Adult: A Revolutionary Guide for Liberating Everyday Genius(tm)
- Intense: Are you verbally skilled? Do you actively seek high risk activities? Do you have a high level of energy? Do you have an unusual sense of humour? Can you, when interested, demonstrate exceptional concentration? Are you sensitive emotionally – easily hurt and/or easily affected when others are hurt?
- Complex: Do you have many interests? Do you see the outcome of situations before others around you? Do you regularly approach an idea from a different perspective than others? Do you have an exceptional memory? Are you able to perceive things about a situation that most others don’t? Do you react strongly to hypocrisy and injustice? Do you do and/or think faster than others around you?
- Drive: Are you curious? Do you set high standards for yourself and others? Are you notably persistent in areas that are important to you? (Note: this trait can collapse on itself and take the form of extreme procrastination). Do you prefer to work autonomously? Do you ‘ march to the beat of your own drum’?
Generally, do people consistently describe you as ‘too much’? Too intense? Too smart? Too complicated? Too sensitive? Too hardworking? Too much energy? If yes, you are likely a gifted adult, particularly if your child has already been identified as gifted. Return to the information you have about what it means to be a gifted child – reconsider it in terms of yourself. Take advantage of the resources that exist for gifted adults. Many of us find it easier to take care of our children rather than ourselves. Of course, failing to take care of ourself means we are less able or unable to take care of others. So if you need an excuse to explore your own possible giftedness, use that one. Even better, just do it for you.
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